Dribliyj Nunez, music writer
‘Angered an ocelot on the A52’
100 years ago when the great depression was all we knew, a revolution in music proved itself to be more popular than a post-prohibition punch-up. Gifted to us (by some spiders from Mars) came an organic outlet which could communicate the relatable struggles of the common man and became a beacon of hope which shone through our darkest times since dysentery, and shaped the world thereafter.
When the cold war ended, ‘Go West’ went from a slur to a smash hit, no one knew what to hate anymore and, as the Berlin Wall fell to bits, so did our apparent need for togetherness. Various incantations of New Wave, ushered in by a consortium of youths and moneymen, have since nullified the importance of generations who, lest we forget, were our vanguard against tyranny. And so began the era of unfathomable vanity, which, with its insufferable elegance, became defined by a paradox of striving to assert [ass-first] individuality through a sheer tidal wave of conformity.
Personal qualities are feigning irrelevancy as success is elevated by association, not substance. As bot-likes appease our follow-counter overlords, dwindling attention spans have meant you probably haven’t bothered reading far… (HAVE YOU?!) It’s saddening to contemplate anyone’s lack of surprise that a mental health crisis is not only upon us, but profited from. As our industry implodes around us, let’s show solidarity in giving music back its credibility. Through moments of self-doubt, music stands by unphased, as it always has, to resuscitate what’s left of our bruised hearts… (that is, until dub-step came along).
For now though we learn play the game in the hope that enough people might listen long enough for us to change the rules. Below I have outlined a selection of everyday struggles that someone, somewhere in the world has undoubtedly endured. As musicians, maybe they will turn to you in their time of need. Let’s give them the means to do just that. All you need to do is let us know which playlist best suits your music (all genres encouraged) in the comments @icenofruit, and we will add your song.
The playlist with the most additions will have an artist picked at random to be featured next week!
Songs for when you catch your jeans on a doorhandle
Oh crumbs! I’m glad that wasn’t my birthday cake!
Songs for when you’re trapped in a pantry
Wait… is that chili?! Confined spaces have never been so delicious
Songs for when you’ve got one wet sock
Oh great.. Trenchfoot..! How can this day get any worse?!
Songs for when you’re trapped in a bus station all night with a woman drinking out of a babies bottle
A stern sense of Britishness shall see us through. We will endure!
Songs for when you’re surrounded by swans in a park
If this is to be our last stand, then SO BE IT!
This is an urgent appeal…
This fish has COVID-19. It’s insides are already showing signs of being fluffy and unnatural, and we fear that without urgent care a worse fate may be in store. Please find it in your hearts to give what you can. Thank you.